Don't wear a green hat when you go to China!

In our adoption forum, we have been discussing culture and came across an oddity...do not give a man a green hat as a gift. I did some digging around and found out why...very interesting!

copy/paste the link below or click on the title of this blog post to take you directly to the article.

http://www.scrippsnews.com/node/26365

Forgot to add, all you have to do is click on the title, "Love Does not Conquer all" and it will take you to the NY times piece. :)

"...Love Doesn't Conquer All"

There is a well written piece in The NY Times that I've linked to the blog, "In Some Adoptions, Love Doesn't Conquer All" and it's a very real piece on the not so rosy parts of adoption which affect U.S. and Internationally adopted children; this article highlights International adoption and reactive attachment disorder because of the latest Russian scandal.

The article is 4 pages long, but explains much better than we ever could, the worst of the worst cases we see discussed in our online adoption forum regarding attachment and bonding. The past 4 years has been long, but we've taken this time to learn more about adoption and are WAY better prepared for the "what-ifs" than had we only waited 14 months.

We are probably over-prepared and will never have to use half of what we have learned, lol!

We have had a lot of people ask how we feel about the little boy sent back to Russia. When asked, I preface my response by saying that in no way do we agree with sending this little boy on a plane back to Russia, however we do not know to what point of despair this mom was brought to that clouded her judgment...nor do we know the availability of resources available to the family locally, so we are choosing not to judge.

For the last 4 years, we have been engrossed in an adoption forums with other waiting families, adopting from China, Russia, Ethiopia etc. and read of families destructed financially trying to get their children help, marriages ending in ruin, and/or children placed back into the adoption system in the severest of cases. When we refuse to state how awful it is that a mom put her child on a plane back to Russia, it's because we read these posts of other adoptive parents like ourselves who would have said, "I would never" but had to...we hope to never be in that place for the rest of the world to judge us.

Thankfully, we have a local pediatrician who has adopted from China herself, will be reviewing the medical file when we receive"The Call" and Dr. Borchers will be Emma's primary care physician. We also have the Children's Hospital International Clinic at our doorstep, should special needs present themselves...a lot of adoptive parents living in more rural areas are not as lucky and need to travel hours or states away for help.

When we come home from China, the first 12 months is a very important bonding and attachment time, a time that is very important for Doug and I only to meet Emma's needs so she properly attaches to us and recognizes that we are her forever parents. Don't be offended if we ask you to not feed her, be over-the-top cuddly or don't take you up on offers of sleepovers and babysitting...these are actions that can interfere with the bonding process in some children and it's going to take us a few months home to figure out where Emma is on the spectrum. Our agency says the first 6 months is really a "honeymoon period" and if there are going to be issues, they will show up after that time. We aren't angst-ridden, but we have to be realistic and can't pretend our child's life was environmentally normal before living in the U.S.

So, in the first 12 months, we might be do some weird things that seem out of sync with her real age, but know we are doing them to re-create the attachment and bonding process that was interrupted by orphanage life, so we can give her the best chance at her new life and properly form appropriate connections with us, family, friends and other children.

Keeping in touch

We have linked a handful of people in our email contacts to our blog who we think will want to know how we are and what we are doing while in China. Whenever we post text or pictures to our blog in the coming months, you will be automatically notified by email. If you do not wish to be included, just let us know and we will remove you from this list.


If you are reading this via the blog and didn't get emailed, but want to be, email me and we can add you to the "speed dial" list. :) It's not that we did not want you to be included, we didn't want to make assumptions and flood your inbox with unwanted stuff...you know what happens when you assume. (Bad News Bears reference)


In the next few months, we hope to be posting more as we are getting very close to receiving the call. We believe our call is going to come the first week of June and we will travel 6-8 weeks later. We will have a better idea of this timeline between the 1st and 10th of May when the next batch arrives.


Our agency called us a few weeks ago to ask what number we want to be called at when the time comes, so we are definitely on the radar now!

Email Test

Bear with us during our technology testing phase!  We just want to make sure we are able to keep in touch with everyone while traveling and post pictures of Emma. 

 

This post is brought to you via gmail.  :)

This is my first post to blogger via cellphone as a test. We're sampling ways to keep the blog updated while in China since blogger is blocked in China.

CLOSER!!!!

As of yesterday, China has referred up to April 17, 2006. 9 more dates until they reach our log in date! We're expecting a June referral with travel at the end of July. OMG! Finally, after 4 years, our dreams are becoming a reality.

April and May are filled with weddings, showers and other fun activity with friends, so time SHOULD zoom vs. creep.

June will also give my leg and bone density time to heal. In the last week I've turned a really big corner in regards to daily pain and flexibilty with motion, so by the time we travel in July, I should have no problems carrying around a 20lb bebe.

Happy Spring everyone!